Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A tale of 2 mothers.

Today is a special day for me.  It would have been Mama Marilyn's 83rd birthday, so I am thinking back on the past and what a wonderful, loving and caring mother she was.  I was an only child adopted by a childless couple, and although my life had it's usual ups and downs, the one constant thing was my Mama's love.  I still miss her, but I will see her again someday.

Mama and Sherry (our youngest)

She passed away in 1994.  And I will have to say that I never thought of looking for my birth family, until I was carrying our girls.  Jim's family had twins and triplets in their family and I was always wondering about my medical back ground and since I was an only child, if I had brothers or sisters somewhere.

In 1999 we got our first computer, and shortly after that, our daughter Julie saw a reunion story of an adopted child finding a birth parent and family, and she urged me to look with what little I knew. Since both of my adopted parents were now gone, I decided to try.  I did all the usual, going to the Soundex registry, trying to find information for the children's home I was adopted from, and the State of Colorado.   Unfortunately the records were sealed.  I then found a forum for adopted kids and birth parents looking for their family members, and spent lots of time on that forum absorbing information, and asking questions.  There were some great reunion stories, and some sad ones where the parent did not want to admit their past and see their child. 

 I then sent for my non-identifying information from the state.  That is where they take your information, make a copy of it, and then black out all the information that is sealed, take another copy of it, and send that copy to you.  What remains is the information that is the same.  And with that I found my middle name was the same as the name my birth mom gave me..... and..... they sent me the wrong copy.  So, I was able to glean information off of that copy that led to me to finding Mama Phyllis.              
 We live only a couple hours away from her.

When we met.

I had always thought that I was so much like Mama Marilyn, Jim could not ever tell our voices apart on the phone.... but, Mama Phyllis is just a miniature me.  We think alike, stand alike, looked alike, and although I never felt different being adopted as a child, I now felt complete.  Like a missing puzzle piece was found and now I could see the whole picture.  Both Mama's had a hard life, but were so much alike in their actions, and what they believed.  It was amazing.

Our completed family.

11 years later, my siblings will say to me, ( yes I have 3 sisters and a brother ) Connie remember when we.... oh yeah.... you were not there.  I forgot.  We have forgotten there was a time I was not a part of their life.  I am so blessed!  And yes, Mama Phyllis is still with us and none of us can keep up with her.

Would I encourage adopted kids, or parents that gave kids away to look?  Yes!  You will at least find out some information about yourself.  It will not change your love for the parents that raised you, and hopefully your outcome will be as good as mine.  Thankfully many states have unsealed the records so it will make it easier for you. 

My real father actually lives here in town.  He knows that I exist, but I know that he has not told any of his family.  He knows that Mama and I have found each other as well.  But, that is ok, I have to honor the fact that he does not want them to know. 

So, as I remember Mama Marilyn I thought I would share this story with you.  God has blessed me beyond measure!

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